Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
