omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
