the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
