Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize