I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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