Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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