I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
