I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
