i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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