As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
