he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize