You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
