You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
