i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
