i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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