Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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