Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
