I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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