so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
