The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
