My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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