On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
