You're completely useless in the revolution.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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