I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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