Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am one with the molecules
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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