I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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