Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
