At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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