She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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