i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
