I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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