Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
