Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
