i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize