It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
