Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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