I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
