Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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