You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
