I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
