omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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