This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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