how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
