I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
