Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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