Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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