totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
