I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
