What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
