this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
