Do you still have your period?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
