it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can