Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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