I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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