garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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