stop calling my apartment porn island.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
