I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
