my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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