Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
