yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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