she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
